I had to think long and hard about this one, because most of the time, my problem isn't that I don't like to admit things, it's that I admit to more things than I have to. For example, many people don't like to admit that they haven't done well on something, but in my case, I admit that too easily. Sometimes, people don't like to admit that they're wrong, but I usually just consent to being wrong to avoid an argument, even if I know I'm right. And other people don't like to admit that they need help with something, but my problem has more often been relying on others too much.
So when prompted with the question, "What are you scared of admitting?" I had some reflecting to do before I could answer accurately. What I came up with is this: I am not scared of admitting to failure, being wrong, or needing support. I am afraid of admitting uncertainty. Whether someone has just asked me what's for lunch, where a certain piece goes in the music library, or what I'm going to major in in college, I don't like to admit that I don't know, for fear that I'm letting them down in some way. It's happened countless times in the band room; the band director has asked me to find something and I'll literally wander around in circles until I either find it or she gives up and finds it herself. And every time I think about the future, I shudder a bit because I have only a bit of an idea of what I'm going to do after high school.
Really, this is an irrational fear. No one can possibly know everything, and there are so many things in life that are completely unpredictable, so I shouldn't have such a problem with uncertainty. I guess, like the majority of humanity, I like to have answers, and that's probably something we all should work on.
Sorry for the delay in posting this; I was at band camp having the best week of my life. I'll try to write another post tonight, or tomorrow.
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