Day 3: Trust

A friend of mine once said to me, "Trust is a delicate thing. It takes years to build it up, but only a second to break it down." I'm not sure if those are her words or someone else's she was quoting, but I can't help but agree. We humans don't like to show our vulnerability, but sometimes, another person comes along whom we feel comfortable with, and we let them in. And then sometimes, they betray us and can do some serious damage.
I feel that, despite my best efforts to guard myself from pain and misfortune, I trust people pretty easily. I make friends, I give people second chances, and I'm not very suspicious of others unless there's a blatantly obvious reason to be. This probably stems from the fact that I'm pretty naive when it comes to the world and how things work in it. Even though I've heard about all of the terrible things that happen everywhere, I still walk home alone at night. And I trust that my boss is going to pay me the right amount and that I'm going to get accepted to the college I want to go to and that my boyfriend loves me and that everything's going to work out for me, even when I've been told that that's not necessarily how things go.
I also feel that, for the most part, people trust me. My band director trusts me enough to let me be drum major for another year, my parents trust me to be responsible and safe, and my friends and I trust each other with our secrets. My mom has often said that she'll trust me until I give her a reason not to. And so far, I haven't. Because I'm a naive goody two-shoes. But whatever.
Sometimes, people break my trust, though. I'd like to say that the consequences are severe in this case, but usually that isn't true. Like I said, I'm a trusting person, so when someone breaks my trust, I'll usually give them a second chance. But there is a good reason for this. I give people second chances because I've gotten so many second, third, fourth chances in my life that I probably didn't deserve. I forgive people because so many others have forgiven me when I didn't deserve it. So the least I can do to repay those people is to forgive those who break my trust. Because forgiveness after a wrong is just as important as being able to trust someone in the first place.

Day 2: Something You Are Scared Of Admitting

I had to think long and hard about this one, because most of the time, my problem isn't that I don't like to admit things, it's that I admit to more things than I have to. For example, many people don't like to admit that they haven't done well on something, but in my case, I admit that too easily. Sometimes, people don't like to admit that they're wrong, but I usually just consent to being wrong to avoid an argument, even if I know I'm right. And other people don't like to admit that they need help with something, but my problem has more often been relying on others too much.
So when prompted with the question, "What are you scared of admitting?" I had some reflecting to do before I could answer accurately. What I came up with is this: I am not scared of admitting to failure, being wrong, or needing support. I am afraid of admitting uncertainty. Whether someone has just asked me what's for lunch, where a certain piece goes in the music library, or what I'm going to major in in college, I don't like to admit that I don't know, for fear that I'm letting them down in some way. It's happened countless times in the band room; the band director has asked me to find something and I'll literally wander around in circles until I either find it or she gives up and finds it herself. And every time I think about the future, I shudder a bit because I have only a bit of an idea of what I'm going to do after high school.
Really, this is an irrational fear. No one can possibly know everything, and there are so many things in life that are completely unpredictable, so I shouldn't have such a problem with uncertainty. I guess, like the majority of humanity, I like to have answers, and that's probably something we all should work on.

Sorry for the delay in posting this; I was at band camp having the best week of my life. I'll try to write another post tonight, or tomorrow.

Day 1: Top 25 Most-Played Songs

Hi, everybody! As I said in a previous post, I'm going to be doing another posting challenge. Unlike the last attempt, though, this one is only 15 days long, and I'm not going to try to do one every day because I'm very busy with band and practicing and now work, too. So bear with me, please. And without further adieu, here is Day 1, the top 25 most-played songs on my iTunes.

1. "Sonatina for Flute and Piano: I. Allegretto grazioso" by Eldin Burton, performed by Amy Porter and Christopher Harding
This is the first movement in an extremely difficult but also beautiful flute solo that I am currently preparing for Solo & Ensemble next year. I'm working on the first movement first, because you know, that just seemed like the logical thing to do, so I listen to the recording a lot.

2. "Love Never Dies" from the musical Love Never Dies written by Andrew Lloyd Webber
This is a vocal solo from the musical that was written as a sequel to The Phantom of the Opera. It's a good musical, for the most part, but the difference between it and Phantom was that I loved every moment of Phantom, and Love Never Dies just wasn't quite as special to me. However, there's some great music in it, specifically this song, which I have sung in the shower on multiple occasions.

3. "Bellas Finals Mashup" from the movie Pitch Perfect
I have the soundtrack from Pitch Perfect on my phone, and this is one of my favorite songs from it. Being a choir girl as well as a band nerd, I enjoyed that movie, and I greatly appreciated the fact that the sequel was just as good.

4. "On A Hymnsong of Philip Bliss" by David Holsinger, performed by the Concordia University Wind Symphony
I mentioned this piece in a previous post, Music Is Amazing. As said in that post, this piece is a concert band arrangement of the hymn "It Is Well With My Soul." When I'm feeling sad, or lonely, or just depressed in general, or when I'm stressed out, I listen to this at a louder volume than usual and let the music engulf me as I recall the words to the hymn:
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows, like sea billows roll,
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul.

5. "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, arranged and performed by the Copper Street Brass Quintet
Copper Street Brass is a group that I just recently discovered when they came and did a concert at my school that featured myself and other musicians from the high school and middle school bands in the last piece on the program. In addition to that piece, which was a mashup of famous classical compositions, the quintet played this arrangement of "Hallelujah" at that concert. The feeling that they put into their playing, combined with the fact that I knew the words to the song, almost brought tears to my eyes.

6. "Fields of Gold" by Sting, arranged and performed by the Copper Street Brass Quintet
Another great arrangement by Copper Street, which was also performed at the aforementioned concert. This one, although beautiful, did not make me cry.

7. "Libertango" by Astor Piazzolla, arranged and performed by the Copper Street Brass Quintet
I love this piece because it has a sort of Latin feel to it, which makes me wish I actually knew how to tango. Or dance in general. The tuba part is also freakin' amazing.

8. "Moon River" by Andy Williams, arranged and performed by the Copper Street Brass Quintet
Though I don't know the lyrics to the actual song, this arrangement is one of those pieces of music that makes you remember the trials and tribulations of years past, and though it isn't necessarily sad, it brings memories and regrets hand in hand.

9. "Rest" by Frank Ticheli, performed by the National Intercollegiate Band
This was also mentioned in Music Is Amazing as being part of one of the best concerts I've ever been to in my life. I absolutely love this piece, and in addition to listening to it to fall asleep (for obvious reasons) I also turn up the volume when I'm feeling down and let it surround me, proceeding to cry when the climax of the piece comes.

10. "Leaves on the Seine" by David Lanz
Last summer, I asked my band director for some new piano music, and this was one of the pieces she gave me. It has since become one of the pieces I play when I need to escape from life for awhile, because it is one of the few pieces that I am able to play expressively.

11. "Variations On A Theme From Pachelbel's Canon In D Major" by David Lanz
I played a version of the actual "Canon in D Major" for a piano recital a couple years ago, so that's why I like this arrangement so much. Funny story about the version I played: I was like ten years old, so my piano teacher had me play a simplified version that was actually written in the key of C, not D. Who thought that was a good idea? I mean, really. I have since transposed it and played it in the correct key, of course.

12. "Cristofori's Dream" by David Lanz
When my band director played this piece for a few of us during free period one day when I was a freshman, I absolutely fell in love with it. I have since memorized it, and like "Leaves on the Seine," it has become part of my repertoire for when I'm having a rough day and need to get away from it all. It's one of those pieces of music that I feel almost as if it were written for me, though I know that isn't the case. And I can't help but wonder if Bartolomeo Cristofori, the inventor of the piano, dreamed of someone writing a piece such as this for his instrument.

13. "Madre de la Tierra" by David Lanz
This one I just like because it's a piano piece that happens to also include other instruments on the recording, which gives it the effect of the epic concert band pieces I love so much. The French horn part is especially prominent, which makes it even better.

14. "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson, from the Pitch Perfect soundtrack
I'm actually not sure why this is on my Top 25... I listen to most of the others pretty much every day, but not really this one. Oh well, it's a good song anyway, and I like this a capella version too.

15. "Amazing Grace" arranged for concert band by Frank Ticheli
I went to a conducting workshop for beginners last week (probably going to do a post on that eventually) and this was the piece that we studied a bit and conducted. I did more extensive score study when I got home, and conducted to the recording a few more times, and decided that I love this piece. The alto sax solo is gorgeous, and Ticheli seems to have a talent for including totally epic climaxes in his work, which I greatly appreciate.

16. "Piano Sonata No. 14 'Moonlight': I. Adagio sostenuto" by Ludwig van Beethoven, performed by Evelyne Dubourg
This one is very calming and beautiful, and goes quite well with walks in the woods. Not much else I can say about it, except that I wish I had the sheet music for it.

Wow, this is a long post.

17. "Fur Elise" by Ludwig van Beethoven, performed by Evelyne Dubourg
I played a simplified version of this for a piano recital once, too. Other than that, it doesn't really have a super special meaning for me.

18. "Claire de lune" by Claude Debussy, performed by Evelyne Dubourg

19. "Träumerei" by Robert Schumann, performed by Evelyne Dubourg
Numbers 18 and 19 are special simply because they are beautiful and great for listening to while walking in the woods or falling asleep.

20. "Waltz in C sharp minor" by Frédéric Chopin, performed by Idil Biret
This is a very challenging piece that I played for Solo & Ensemble and my piano recital this year, and I'm still working on it. My main problem was not being able to play legato in the middle section, and not having correct left hand technique in the faster section.

21. "Song Without Words in E Major, Op. 19, No. 1" by Felix Mendelssohn, performed by Jenö Jandó
My band director gave me a list of piano masterpieces to listen to, and this happened to be one of them. I'm so very glad that it was; it's gorgeous.

22. "Intermezzo in A Major, Op. 118, No. 2" by Johannes Brahms, performed by Jenö Jandó
Another one of my band director's favorite piano compositions (and one of mine, too) this piece literally takes my breath away. It's amazing how certain arrangements of sounds can do that, isn't it?

23. "Toccata for Cello, Strings, and Harpsichord" by Girolamo Frescobaldi, performed by Jian Wang and Camerata Salzburg
My school's band played the concert band version of this for Large Group Contest this year, and it has become one of my favorite pieces of all time. So, when I found this recording of a cello and other strings playing it, I was very excited. I love the cello, and actually want to learn how to play it someday. Anyway, great piece, great arrangement of it too.

24. "Song for Lindsay" by Andrew Boysen, performed by the Bethel Park High School Symphonic Band
I've mentioned this piece in a previous post as well. Even though this recording is a little funky because the band doesn't always release together and they aren't always in tune, I can forgive them because my band isn't, either. I actually had the honor of playing the flute solos during rehearsal in the weeks before graduation, because the senior flute players aren't in the same band as me. And the French horn player I had a crush on last year played the horn solos. So, even though that crush isn't still a thing, it was pretty cool. A reminder of the way things used to be, so to speak.

25. "Dream" by Michael Bublé
Not really sure why this is on this list, but ok. It's a good song, I guess.

That was a really long post. Well, I hope some of you found that interesting, or maybe I broadened a few musical horizons. Anyway, happy Fourth of July, for those of you in America! See you all next time!

Audition Tips

Well... I meant to post this a really long time ago, but... life kind of got in the way. So, finally, here it is: Rosetail the Flutist's Guide to Surviving Solo Performances! This could be for an audition of some sort, a Solo & Ensemble performance, and some tips are universal enough to be used for a drum major audition.

Let's start with the night before your performance. You're probably chilling at your house, eating ice cream or chocolate to help calm yourself down, and resisting the urge to practice every waking moment before the next day.

Tip #1: Don't practice. At least, not a lot. I know, you're thinking, Oh my gosh, there's so much I still need to work on! I'm not ready! But while running through it will help you calm your nerves about not feeling prepared, having a full-out practice session will just stress you out. And if you're a brass player, it'll be hard on your chops to practice a lot the day before a performance.

Tip #2: Go to bed early and get a good night's sleep. Even though you might feel like you can't sleep because you're too nervous, going to bed earlier will help by giving you more time to calm your brain down and fall asleep. I have also found that listening to "Rest," (a concert band piece mentioned in one of my other posts) or some classical piano music helps me relax and fall asleep.

On the day of your performance...

Tip #3: Get up early enough to have plenty of time to eat a substantial breakfast and get dressed and stuff, so you're not rushing around at the last minute.

Tip #4: When you wake up and realize what day it is, stop yourself before that sickening dread settles in your stomach. Instead of feeling incredibly nervous, be excited. I know, it sounds crazy to be excited about a performance that you aren't actually looking forward to, but then fake it. Pretend that you've been anxiously anticipating this performance for months not because you want to get it over with, but because you are excited to show off what you can do. Trust me, it helps. I wouldn't have done nearly as well on my drum major audition this year as I would have if I hadn't been overly excited about it all morning.

Tip #5: Warm up, but don't overheat:). Warming up is great, of course. It helps you focus, have your best tone and intonation, and feel more confident. However, I've found that if you do too much warming up, you'll wear out your chops and stress yourself out before your performance. I would suggest just a couple of scales (full or most-range chromatic and then a few that pertain to your piece such as the major and minor scales for the key signature it's in), get the tuning note for your instrument and a few extra-important notes of your piece in tune, and then play a couple of the harder excerpts from your piece to feel confident about them.

Tip #6: BREATHE. Seriously, deep breathing is one of the best ways to calm your performance anxiety. So take several deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth, and focus on the music. Only the music. Nothing else.

Tip #7: Think positively. It's natural to think negative things like, "I'm going to fail. I didn't practice enough." or "That section still isn't good enough." or "Why am I doing this anyway?" These thoughts are not going to help you perform better, and therefore should be banished with more positive ones like, "I'm prepared. I'm going to be just fine." or "It'll all be okay." I know, it's hard, and believe me, I've had some serious issues with this in the past, but you can do it. Even if you can't replace the negative thoughts, at least catch them and choose to ignore them.

Tip #8: If you remember nothing else, keep in mind that this solo performance isn't really that important. I mean, if it's a college audition or something like that, its outcome obviously makes a big difference, so that's an exception, but in that case, why would you jeopardize such an important performance by being overly stressed and negative? You can choose to control your performance anxiety. It's difficult, but you can choose to overcome it.
As for performances like those at Solo & Ensemble Festival, the performance itself isn't really that important in the grand scheme of things. What happens during that ten minute period of your life isn't going to make much of an impact at all. What matters are the many things you learned from preparing that solo, and the more advanced musician you are because of it. So go in there with confidence, and as someone from my school said to me before my district S&E performance this year, "Play your heart out."